I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
