i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize