hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
3 2 1 whiskey
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
