ya dads aren't the best wingmen
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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