Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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