Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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