oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
