So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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