Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
