Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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