I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Vodka?
Forever.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
