She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
