life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
