this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
