im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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