bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
