Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
