remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Everything about him screamed your future.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
