so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My life is pants optional.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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