And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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