I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
