I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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