Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
