ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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