Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
