guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
