Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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