There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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