In the future we'll all be gay
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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