you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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