I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
