8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
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