i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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