I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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