Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We need to get me chipped asap
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
