I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
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