All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
