: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She said her name was "party"
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
