Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
