if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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