I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
