It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
