I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
honey bunches of taint.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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