Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Can I color on your dick again?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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