Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
