Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
White coat. Heels.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
