...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize