Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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