it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize