i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
