you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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