her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
