Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
