I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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