HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
