onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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