she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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