i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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