Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
