I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
