then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We had sex on a dog bed..
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize