Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
