Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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