kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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