please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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