I think I am morally bankrupt
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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