i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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