Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
