Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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