shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
