The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
