smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
