life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
