Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
