He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize