He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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